My enlightenment, Welcome to the Universe!

It just happened, without looking for it. No big fireworks or du-du-dum orchestra finale. But the consequences are earth shattering to say the least. Finally I am whole!

Guy Giard earth-space.jpg

In sharing my healing journey I wish to show you that it is possible, and to hand you the tools that might help you on your own journey! The different methods and techniques listed here are linked to other webpages for further details. Good reading, and leave a comment!   Yours,  Guy Giard

You could say it started years ago; getting out of the violence and solitude of the rapes has been quite a long journey. Fighting a losing battle against my family, being an easy target for bullying at school, I found in coffee and cigarettes the numbing I needed to survive. My mind and my feelings were locked away in the Phantom Zone.

Early in the 90’s I escaped to Europe. The first taste of my beingness came through doing some body work. Memories of the sexual abuse drifted back to the surface as I meditated in yoga classes. Later on I found in Paris a little known therapeutic method called “La Methode Vittoz” which focuses on reconnecting by simple sensory awareness to the body . No need for analytical analysis or even the recovery of memories. Just being present in the here and now was enough.

Back in Canada I explored other body works, Tai ChiFeldenkrais, Alexander, Osteopathy. I was able to uncover and  release some of my rage locked in my root area, my genitals. Needing more understanding I found one man who gave me the support to follow through: Alan Watts. His hundreds of lectures on Confucius, Zen and Buddhism saved my life. I constructed a small altar in my one room apartment and practiced Mindfulness meditation.

Life improved as I attended groups such as Survivors of Incest Anonymous , Co-Dependants Anonymous  and EADA – Enfant Adulte de famille dysfonctionnelle ou alcoolique, I found safety and solace as I learned to identify my feelings. I read books on healing by Louise Hay and learned on codependency with Melody Beattie.

I was penniless and lived on welfare and work programs. I understood that my family never taught me to take care of myself, so I started to search for mentors. With the birth of the internet I followed religiously Bob Proctor with his  ‘You were born rich’  program. Followed Tony Robbins‘Unlimited Power’, and even more life changing Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People!  My walls were covered with post-its of all sizes and colors. I was empowering and loving myself! It worked! I quit smocking, got married, a credit card and a real job!

But I didn’t address my core issues so I ended up putting on a lot of weight.  I developed sleep apnea as I became obese. Again the body takes over when the mind can’t listen. So I researched diets and started Jorge Cruise’s ‘8 Minutes in the Morning’ program. Success, I lost weight, my wife got pregnant, a new status quo was reached!

I got healthy again, but I wasn’t any closer to my true self. This time Death had to come to shake my grounds.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

“It was a cold night in November. Waiting at the bus stop, we were celebrating my birthday. As the bus finally arrived a large crushing noise resounded. The bus crashed into the shelter. My reflexes took over as I picked up my 2 year old daughter and backed away. My wife fell down. The rooftop was about to crush her. With my 2 year old under my arm I put myself in it’s trajectory and pushed. It came crashing a few inches beside her as I fell down to my knees. Our daughter, safe in my arms, never touched the ground. Bruised, we were alive.”

Yes we were alive, but was I really living my life???

My father died a few years later. My life mission wasn’t being fulfilled at work. Alan Watts came back into my life, this time along with Wayne Dyer‘s introduction to Taoism. I got back into body work with Laughter Yoga and EMDR « Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing ». I took a clown workshop and joined Dr ‘Patch’ Adams in Guatemala. I was now living new experiences away from Canada. I opened a first channel to my heart and was submerged by new feelings. I cried rivers of pain and relief. 

I went to Chicago and learned of my message with the amazing Judy Carter. I studied Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and completed a level 1 workshop. I also followed Paul Denisson’s Brain Gym workshops and also Reiki . Like the peels of an onion each technique was bringing me more into my body. And then my brother, just a couple of years older than me, died. I was angry. His story, the results  of generations of family abuse, had killed him.

Gina Cenciose introduced me to Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing technique. This time my mind was ready and I got in full contact with my body. I welcomed all my sensations and listened quietly to it’s healing messages. I discovered the wisdom of the body, and started to get out of it’s way.

I am the creator of my thoughts and feelings.

Then, finally, as a family we assisted to a four day Tibetan Buddhism sand mandala compassion workshop. They chanted, explained their rituals, gave talks on Buddhism, meditation and compassion. Nothing new, except that they nailed down what I already knew: I am the creator of my thoughts and feelings. Events, life happens, but I am free to choose my attitude. Choose ‘Le Bonheur’, happiness, simply, anytime, anywhere in any circumstances.

That one question became the quantum point in time when everything changed. It came up at a talk on compassion. The monk was describing workshops in schools. Quebec, where I was born and now reside, is immersed in Catholic upbringing. I could visualize this monk talking about Buddhism in a classroom while standing under a crucified Christ.

The whole guilt story of ‘dying for your sins’ came to my mind, and I wondered about the place of forgiveness in Buddhism. I hadn’t heard that word since I was here.

”Nope, there are no words for forgiveness, and neither for guilt or shame in Tibetan” he answered….. My mind started to compute, outside of the box… no words for those ?? They were about accepting all that there was, and choosing happiness. Nothing about shame or guilt. I came back to Montreal with this startling idea.

I had made some stupid choices in my life. I now dared to accept what I thought were shameful and guilt ridden past actions in a new light. No more judgments, no more beating myself up. They were bad decisions, yes!  I wouldn’t make them again, yes! But  they were done and over with! That was that!

Alan Watts and Carl Jung to the rescue!

I thought this is what Carl Jung described as the ‘The Shadow’: accepting your ‘dark side‘. So I went back to the Net and found one video of Alan Watts Talking about Carl Young. Alan Watts came back for a third time in my life and I listened over and over day and night for three days.

What if this Duality of Good and Evil was just an idea? No good, no evil, no shame, no guilt, nothing to forgive? It had a name: Nonduality.

I became awaken, enlightened! Call it what you want, I was free. As soon as you name ‘it’ you are no longer ‘it’. I’ve crossed over!

Call it spiritually or not, it’s irrelevant. Years of studying quantum mechanics, psychology, anthropology, chemistry, physics, philosophy, atheism, communication, hunter and gatherers, nutrition and so on gave me the groundwork to connect all the dots. The body work had slowly got me back to my senses, to myself.

“I had to get rid but of one piece of the puzzle that never fitted anywhere: I had to be good! I felt shame and guilt and hated myself for never achieving this”

Resistance is futile… or was it?

Good or Evil, my brother died because he rebelled against that concept. My father died disease ridden because he embraced it. I could neither embrace nor rebel. I escaped with cigarettes, alcohol, food, entertainment, sometimes even using sex as a desperate attempt to connect. Like my  brothers I became violent when none of these were available.  I had to be good, no matter what!

Humor was the only thing that kept me sane all these years. Monty Python irreverence and absurdity reflected the impasse I was in: damned if I do, damned if I don’t…

Now I am born to myself, I have given up duality, I reflect, meditate and I am connected

Duality meant Fight or Flight. Others opinion were my lifeline, judging me if I was Good or Bad. I was 100% wrong and had to destroy that feeling, either through numbing or violence. It’s over, I am now free. I can create the  world I was always meant to do. I can give up my soul band-aid I have used for the last 40 years, caffeine.

I am born to myself, I have given up duality, I reflect, meditate and am connected.

So can you!

In my next post I will describe what it is like to live a nondualist life. I love you all

PS; Please share your comments below, either about Alan Watts, Good and Evil or anything that come to your mind.

Start the conversation by writing your thoughts in the ‘Leave a Reply’ section below!

Guy Giard

If telling my story can offer a beacon of hope to those who are locked away behind dark walls of protection, then I feel I have started to accomplish my task.   

Guy  Giard is a speaker and the author of the upcoming book ‘LOVE’s healing journey’ How to Triumph over life’s adversities

fbc348d0

Dr “Patch” Adams writes about Guy Giard: “I truly feel his passion to live radiant, using clowning as a tool to help midwife a loving world. To hear of his own transformation to being a loving soul will inspire others to try it on.

 Sign up today for the Pre-Launch Newsletter by following this link and be the first to receive special reductions and excerpts from the book!

 

 

 

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Your story or your life, please!

Have you ever felt like: “How can I get out of here and on the first plane to…..”?

Fill in the blank with your heart’s desires: tiptoeing on a warm sandy beach paradise, an adventurous photo safari in an amazon jungle or even a trip to another planet!

I share these feelings. Sometimes, like me, you might have reached for a more pragmatic solution like having yet another cup of latte, a fat piece of cheese cake or a hot slice of sex.(or all three at once!). Our tongue is such a luscious pleasure organ!

Sadly there are other options that over time may end up as addictions: alcohol, cigarettes or worse, drugs.

Pleasure all the way!

overweight Guy

I had the good, the bad and the ugly of pleasure and pain. 

The GOOD: I chose coffee and cakes to hit a temporary bliss. I ended up out of breath, overweight and on the road to type 2 diabetes. Luckily, my health  declined  and I developed sleep apnea (stopping breathing during sleep). My wife freaked out! I changed my life choices, adopted new habits and nutrition, and got back to a regular weight. You can follow my story and try my delicious recipes at Guy The Healthy Paleo Guy blog.

The BAD: I picked up smoking to deal with the bullying at school. That was the price to pay to become a ‘cool‘ member of the ‘IN’ crowd.  Nervous and scared, I would chain smoke and drink at parties. I’d end up throwing up and getting paralyzing headaches. I was lucky though, my body had a very low tolerance for alcohol, and none for drugs. I didn’t sink into addictions. It took me twenty years to finally extinguish my last butt. (read the bullying essay)

The UGLY: A life of suicide. It was the only thoughts I knew. Whenever I am near a balcony I would feel the pull of gravity. It is a battle to not draw myself in blood on the sidewalk. Stronger then the attraction of a black hole, and yet, I had never known any understanding for it. That is, until I  finally understood “The Pull”of story.

What  is “The Pull” of story?

If you have been following this blog you know part of my story, the sad part of my being abused as a child. If not, well, I’m sorry if it’s not easy to read. My purpose in writing these essays is to bring hope and healing to others.

So what is “The Pull” of the story? Do you remember any time you’ve used the expression “I’d rather die than….” speak in public? tell my boss? face my partner? You feel pressure welling up inside, maybe hear that nauseating inner voice: “You can’t…….”.

Whatever you’d rather not do or not allow yourself is “The Pull”of the story. It is that one key word that “Pull”s you inside your story and locks you in your beliefs.

The power of the pull word!

The one key word that locked me in my story was BETRAYAL! I was under no circumstances whatsoever allowed to express myself. I couldn’t speak up, never contradict or “rock the boat”. I couldn’t show any emotions. Whatever elephants were in the room they were to be ignored. Spontaneity had no meaning in my world!

Family reunions were hell as I witnessed in silence the verbal assaults of my brothers.  My father, quiet, drank his beers, lit up cigarettes and put on the news. “That’s enough!” he shouted, his fist pounced the table with a bang. “Why don’t you behave like adults?” was his answer to my brothers increasing vulgarities. I watched in horror.

The get togethers ended as he passed away. He had always dreamed of having a “picturesque” family at any costs. Most likely this was his “Pull” words: “Picture Perfect”. That part of my life died with him: I felt the noose on my neck loosening up with no more reunions. The pull of the balcony still remained.

What was still holding me captive? My sexual abusers threatened me with words, with a knife, with killing me if I would ever tell. Opening up meant certain death. I would rather die then to tell the truth. I would rather jump to my death then betray them. So I numbed my dilemma with food and avoided standing too close to the railing of life. I made an oath to become obedient, silent and invisible. That’s my “Pull”.

When “Pull” comes to “Push”!

My brother never found his pull and died in his story. I told part of his story in Dying to be Liked. Meanwhile I went to Guatemala with Patch Adams. There I battled to become visible again, and I also found Rob. He is a policeman and a clown. This totally unsettled me as I had been abused by people in authority.

I now had to betray myself, or more exactly, to betray my own story. For decades my story held that betrayal meant instant death. I was caught in a perfect catch 22. I now had to turn the table on it.  I cried as I betrayed my unspoken oath, body shaking in fear of reprisal as  I faced certain death. I denounced the crime. It was the first time I used the word “rape”. “Pull” became “Push.

I had just experienced the process of transforming my “Pull” into a “Push”. I won!

What is your ‘Pull’ word?

Today when I feel the “Pull” for certain foods or actions I literally choose to betray myself. I answer: “Ok, this is what I feel for. I see you for what you are and I will BETRAY you and will not do as you wish!” I betray myself and I feel relieved. I  betray my story, I betray my beliefs. The pressure vanishes and I can be spontaneous. I am free from the  ‘Pull” of my story!

Do you have your own personal ‘Pull’ stories? Do you remember any time you’ve used these expressions:

  • “I’d rather die than….  ?
  • Have that nagging inner voice arguing: “You can’t……  ?

Can you recognize the “Pull’ word that keeps you locked in your story? Whatever you’d rather not do or allow is your pull word. It keeps you locked, and now, it’s time you turn ‘”Pull” into “Push” and open your life.

I believe that now that you hold the key, you can transform that “Pull” into a ‘Push’ and choose your life over your story. I believe in you!

Start the conversation by writing your thoughts in the ‘Leave a Reply’ section below!

Guy Giard

If telling my story can offer a beacon of hope to those who are locked away behind dark walls of protection, then I feel I have started to accomplish my task.   

Guy  Giard is a speaker and the author of the upcoming book ‘LOVE’s healing journey’ How to Triumph over life’s adversities

fbc348d0

Dr “Patch” Adams writes about Guy Giard: “I truly feel his passion to live radiant, using clowning as a tool to help midwife a loving world. To hear of his own transformation to being a loving soul will inspire others to try it on.

 Sign up today for the Pre-Launch Newsletter by following this link and be the first to receive special reductions and excerpts from the book!

Memory Pizza!

What do you do with your Memory Pizza?

Pizza Guy 85

Guy Giard, Concrete Pizza, 1975

1975, just fresh out of college I am now officially an art student. Suddenly I am surrounded by all these colorful freaky animals. Women with long hair and Indian dresses smoking the proverbial Beedi. I enjoy their tiny bells jiggling from their flat sandals. Hints of incense and sounds Ding ling, Ding ling as they floats by. What a change.

For the last five years I was sentenced to a private all boys college. My dress code consisted of acrylic suits and neckties. Sweaty, smelly and greasy, bullied as hell, I started to smoke to get away from my cell mates. My only wish was to escape. Now I was with a new crowd, a new species of beings. I could start to let loose with beers and smokes.

Freedom

I was all set for an amazing two years, sharing a space and not feel threatened. I could hide behind my easel, painting, peering at the other students, falling secretly in love. If they only could look or ask me something, I’ll do anything they want. And then there were the nude drawing classes. Oh my god, where do I look!

Bathing in the April noon sun, I feel the burn on my skin. My heart is racing, pouncing, bu-dum bu-dum, bu-dum, words fumbling out as I am declaring my love. Closing of the bar, 2am, I throw up as I am too drunk. Everything shifts, turns, I can’t look straight as I spew in the streets. Alone in the studio, I carve, mold the clay and light up a smoke. I spend hours and hours polishing finished works.

Memories pile up, my sketchbooks overflow with emotional stories.  I selectively choose to remember some, others I’d rather forget. Smothered in the Tomato Sauce of Nostalgia, covered beneath the Crusty Melted Cheese of Time, this Memory Pizza serves me slices of how I felt in the yesteryears.

Find your own Memory Pizzas!

Today I find myself with a fossilized imprint of my past. As an artist I am faced with a dual dilemma: keeping the works for posterity, and letting go of what is no longer relevant. As I wrote in  Achieve your dreams to move forward having dreams may be easy but letting go of what’s holding you back might not.

These past works mean a lot, but that is no longer enough anymore. They are relevant looking backwards, but not forward.  I am sure that if you look around your home you will find your own “Memory Pizzas”.

  • What is surrounding you today that no longer fits with your vision?
  • Can you pick it up and make the choice to leave it behind?

If you walk along the streets of St-Henri today you might come along my sculpture, my Memory Pizza. I’ve decided to leave it on the curb and open my soul to a new path. Will you?

Start the conversation by writing your thoughts in the ‘Leave a Reply’ section below!

Guy Giard

If telling my story can offer a beacon of hope to those who are locked away behind dark walls of protection, then I feel I have started to accomplish my task.   

Guy  Giard is a speaker and the author of the upcoming book ‘LOVE’s healing journey’ How to Triumph over life’s adversities

fbc348d0

Dr “Patch” Adams writes about Guy Giard: “I truly feel his passion to live radiant, using clowning as a tool to help midwife a loving world. To hear of his own transformation to being a loving soul will inspire others to try it on.

 Sign up today for the Pre-Launch Newsletter by following this link and be the first to receive special reductions and excerpts from the book!