Dying to be Liked

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A few months ago my brother died

He was 59

On the medical report it would be written organ failure, maybe some neurological problem, maybe his liver. I don’t know. I would say he died of a broken heart.

What I did know is that over the years he resorted to substance abuse. One time, both in our twenties, I had to kick him out of the house. He was being verbally abusive to our mother. As a family we hadn’t learned how to talk, so there were a lot of pent up frustrations. I understood him, but I couldn’t stand idle while this lashing out was happening, so I told him to get out. He did.

Later, as it turned out to be, this earned his respect for me. He would throw his tantrums at the others, but not to me. He knew I wouldn’t play along. Because yes, sadly, it was a game, or a dance you could say.

How can you heal from such a dance? Over the years he had a few nervous breakdowns and was institutionalized for short periods of time. I visited him in these pale colored drab institutions. These were some of the saddest moments we’ve experienced together. Eventually he landed a job as an office clerk. He was well liked, and his colleagues spoke of him as a gentle, smiling and always ready to lend a helping hand kind of guy

His body had given out. The acidic pain of loneliness and the ghosts of unspoken abuses were rotting his self from the inside out. I tried on many occasion to sit down with him for a coffee, but he would always postpone our talks to “Later, later, when it’s warmer, when it’s summer, when there’s more time, when there’s….” Later never came. As I emptied his dusty yellowed tar-stained wall two room apartment, I could only wish him peace.

He was just 59, and he was dying to be loved, dying to be listened to, dying to be liked.

Peace to your soul, brother

Guy Giard

PS: Your thoughts and feedback are very extremely precious for me. Thanks you for writing them in the ‘Leave a reply’ section below.  Thank You!  ❤ 🙂 

Dr “Patch” Adams writes about Guy Giard: “I truly feel his passion to live radiant, using clowning as a tool to help midwife a loving world. To hear of his own transformation to being a loving soul will inspire others to try it on.

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Guy  Giard is a speaker and the author of the upcoming book ‘LOVE’s healing journey’ How to Triumph over life’s adversities

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5 thoughts on “Dying to be Liked

  1. This seems like a very cathartic post for you. To be able to to narrate your relationship with your brother and your attempt at ‘managing’ his demons could really help others dealing with the same. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Guy,
    The relationship you had with your brother deeply touched my heart. I’m glad he had you – to look through his acting out – and understand what he was so desperately searching for.
    Your words danced in my soul as a rejuvenation to the aspects within my own life that need attention, before subsuming apathy sets in.
    Be at peace my friend, for your brave stories enrich us and you are an inspiration to thousands of world travelers!
    I look forward to your continued posts and am endearingly blessed to have met you.
    ~Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am sorry for your loss. But to be honest, I am more sorry for the life your brother had– that he was “dying to be loved”. I wished I had gotten to meet him– I understood exactly where he came from.

    The same thing is happening to me now. I always said loneliness was going to kill me. Trouble is, it is proving to be a very slow and painful death.

    Like

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